Eliciting values - the answers |
Her favourite pastimes and hobbies can also be useful. ASF: "You found out something she likes to do, i.e. jetski. Again this is a means value. Find out what emotional state jetskiing generates for her. That way when you spontaneously generate patterns, you can tailor them to the specific emotional states SHE wants to experience." Don't forget what you're supposed to do with the values you elicited. ASF: "It's one thing to ask a girl questions about herself and elicit her values. It's another to act like a tourist in her reality. I used to get involved with girls lives and be like "Wow, that's AWESOME!" about everything they did in their lives. Fuck that. When a guy does that, a girl thinks he has no life of his own if he's so impressed with hers." Seems like the value-eliciting has not been put to good use. You could of course either show her your world as well or just not be that damn impressed with hers, but preferably you should be doing what you're supposed to be doing with the values you elicited - you've found out the states that are important to her, now make her FEEL those specific states. Update. Besides finding out and making her feel the states shel likes to feel, you also have to be able to represent the traits and values she finds important. NYC, ASF: "They always come up with TRAITS, not specific things. What they TELL ME they want is easily demonstrated to them through stories, and I don't have to tell them ANYTHING directly. I would never say "I love cats myself too...", I would tell them a story IN WHICH I demonstrated that I like cats. I let her derive who I am by telling her a story based on what she wants to hear in the first place:)". See also: Eliciting values explained Eliciting values - introducing the questions Eliciting values - the questions |
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